Not that it solves any problems (bar being smelly!) but at least it allows for a moment to gain a bit of perspective. It’s like boiling the brain, then have all the porous fragments fall down to the bottom and form a slushy gel, taking up a lot less space in that head of mine.
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A lot of things I’ve been falling behind on.
Well not really a lot, but one or two I really hope to be done with before the end of the week (like sorting an album-cover for Zebastian’s upcoming EP).
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Training is progressing steadily, and today I realized how I actually feel good about my body whenever I see myself in the mirror. That certainly hasn’t always been the case, and it makes me feel very healthy! Though I miss my bro’, as gyming with him is a lot more competitive than doing it alone – always pushing me to the limit.
He’s turning 21 this Thursday and I think it’s the first time I won’t be able to go see him on his birthday. Feels straight down shitty, but I know going there would have me end up feeling like I really need to be somewhere else (which I do). I’m sure he will have a good time anyways and I already know I’m excused, but I would have liked to see him.
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The exhibition is closing in and things seems to be shaping up pretty well. Not without complications, but so far we have been able to hammer them all out. Looking forward to spending some time with Carro in Stockholm and putting my art up someplace public again – it’s always a blast to see people’s reactions and have a chat with the visitors.
Phew. So much time on a loose foot lately – a lot of traveling.
Celebrated my 24:th birthday at East West Sushi with Kattis, father and Ann – the later two which drove from Borensberg to congratulate me. It was all very pleasant, bar the cold outside (which not only found its way into the restaurant’s glass-walls, but also through our many layers of clothing.) Sushi – being the cold dish it is – didn’t help in thawing us a whole lot, so the tea, miso soup and coffee kept rollin’ in.
Good business, I imagine.
(Yet well worth it. EWS has won rewards for being one of Sweden’s best kitchens in its niche.)
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Once the food had settled I accompanied dad and Ann back to Östergötland, to catch a bus from BBG to Linköping and see my mother and brother. Mom has been all but terrified of driving during winter ever since her accident, so we figured it would be better if I came to her place instead.
I’d like to think there’s nothing wrong with that, but somehow it still gets to me how I have to travel all those miles back and fourth on my own birthday, to be celebrated.
And what a trip it was. I spent the night there as the day after – the 9th – was my actual birthday. While the celebrations as such were nice – the food and the good company were all I could hope for – the struggle to get back home to Örebro was beyond belief. See, usually a train departs every two hours, even the later ones. But for whatever reason (I imagine due to it being a new year with new timetables) the train companies saw fit to have the last of those trains depart 16:30, leaving me with one hour to get to a city from which the train would actually leave (which was about 50 minutes away by car). After making a wishful phone call and browsing my options my last way out seemed.. well.
It was the last true evening of the holiday.
A night I was dead-set and hell-bent on spending enfolded in my Special K’s warm embrace.
a man asked me. A big black dog had run up to me in a joyful manner, frolicking about. The man was the dog’s owner.
“Yeah, it was fine.“
I replied, smiling.
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It felt like the dog had run up to me as a reaction to the happiness I felt – radiated. Came to me like a child to a warm fire, greeting me with the same warmth.
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As I walked a little further up the freezing street tears fell from my eyes, as I remembered one of my diaries of past: Frolic. See, in the picture I drew a big wolfdog for a representation of Life, how it took me to new places and sights – not leaving me any choise of direction.
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Life had run up to me – greeting me kindly. A man had asked me if the encounter went well, if life treated me well.
A certain sense of satisfaction struck me as I realized how I felt “done” with chasing skirts around. It was fun – I am good at it – and for now I have quenched that peculiar thirst for the games of hunt, it would appear.
Instead I long for something new. Something that isn’t on the same tried and tired stage that is my apartment, my good taste in music, my tasty food or my fuming bathtub. Longing for someone else to invite me over, for whatever reason.
A change in scenery. A change to my patterns.
A new challenge, of sorts.
A change in myself – as it seems everyone around me has progressed steadily. My “devil of the right shoulder” Hank has fallen in the best manner any black-winged angel could hope to fall:
Fallen in love.
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Adding up to that is how my brighter persona on the left shoulder has found a slight interest in my darker sides – something potentially sinful and suggestively unbecoming of what I used to consider some sort of “angel of light and purity”.
In the end we’re all human. Oh so human.
(which is a good thing)
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Been listening a lot to Tindersticks’ albumCurtains – supposedly considered their strongest piece of work amongst the more beknowing fans. A good blend of class, raw life and fine tunes – like the second cheapest red wine around through some sort of synesthesia.
Welcome to my official web gallery!
This page is mainly about my diary, started in late 2007, which is posted on the Home page and updated regularly. (124 at the moment)
The diary is in swedish, but my hope is that you will find qualities in it as a visual piece of art. (not that being able to understand swedish helps a lot, as I have a personal manner of writing and what's presented is only fragments of thoughts, quotes and dreams, all taken out of context. In that way my diary stays private, even though being public)
I have included a Gallery with some of my other works, which you can reach by clicking on its tab on top of the page, then chose a section you want to browse.
All images can be viewed in larger size by clicking on them.
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News:
16/12 'o9 - New drawing "Tribute to friends and lovers" uploaded. Shortly put it's about those whom strenghten me and motivate me into becoming something better.
11/11 'o9 - Added a version of the diary Endurance without the text to the Uncategorized section of the gallery.
08/11 'o9 - Cleared some old news and added a pair of drawings.
14/10 'o9 - Added a photo of me working with the Light-Cages, over in the sculptures section of the gallery. Got a new supply of barb-wire recently but it's behaving in a whole other way than what I'm used to. We'll see how things turn out.
12/1 'o9 -
I just finished photographing and uploading the diaries of the past one and a half year.
I've decided to post them without comments, for now, and will add those in later. This is mainly to save time and to get it "up to date", and make it easier for me as it allows me to write about the respective diaries when I feel like it and have time to do it.
