Felix Meijer

Crosses along the boulevard

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So I have moved up to Umeå now.

Well actually I moved about a month ago, but the first two weeks were all about unpacking and shopping for furniture, then the following two weeks consisted mainly of trying to keep myself focused on anything but the fact that I am stuck in the far, far (cold) north with all my friends left behind me and no occupation.

A lot of time to think about everything that bothers you, unless you can find something to dull the senses with. Or sharpen them. Channel and control them.

In my case the drug spells videogames, and the dose has been all but lethal.

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Self indulgence aside, I have been trying to keep my productivity up as well. While art has felt unappealing (expressing something I was not even ready to confront?) I have been putting a lot of effort into body building and made some nice progress on weight and strength. I also got two weeks of work as a croquis model straight off the bat, so the money is rolling in and the word spreading that there’s a new boy in town.

The apartment looks pretty much like a home as well, in contrast to the unpacked Hell of boxes it would have been if Kattis and I both had been occupied elsewhere since day one. Like a desperate housewife I keep the place tidy and neat.

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“Desperate”, since I have no social life up here. And it is starting to take its toll on me. One can only go on for so long without interacting with other human beings before going mad (and I certainly lack no potential in that department). One could argue that Kattis would, could and should suffice, however I tend to need other people with other perks and properties as well. One can not lay down the entire weight of every social need on a partner, for that only leads to stress and tension. The “burden” of friendship can be a heavy one, if not distributed amongst many.

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That said, I do have an old friend living up here. Her name is Josefin and I had the chance to waste some of her time with a proper fika and some shopping. She is the sort of friend I know will be here, if all else fails.

Title of the post based on The drugs don’t work, by The Verve.

Title of the diary based on Crosses, by José Gonzalez.

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Knowing myself, it’s only a matter of time before I step right up to someone and ask them to share a cup of tea with me, out of the blue. Out of need as much as out of boredom, seeing as most of my days lack every and all elements of surprise.

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Oh well, that’s for a future diary!

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